


Where the Heart Lies

by taispeantas_laethuil



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, M/M, Qun! Bull, Spoilers, Trespasser DLC, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taispeantas_laethuil/pseuds/taispeantas_laethuil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bull is loyal to the Qun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kadan

Dorian knew exactly what was going to happen the minute he heard the word _Hissrad_. That was good. It gave him a moment to push through the shock before the fighting started. Hissrad: he’d chosen his own name. That was important.

_It kinda makes it sound like I'm not really a person. Like I'm this dangerous **thing** , you know?_

It was every nightmare he tried not to have, every little niggling doubt about the Bull he’d told himself was just the legacy of Tevinter and his father, where he could never hope for more. The Bull had told him that too, though not in so many words. He’d always been careful to keep the illusion that they were on the same side, that they could ever be on the same side, wanting the same things.

_Change of plans. Nothing personal… **bas**._

He’d almost laughed. How very like the Bull, to make a pun at this moment. How very like-

But lies always went down better with a grain of truth, didn’t they? So he liked puns. That might be the only true thing they knew about him.

 _Katoh_ , Dorian thought wildly as the Bull unsheathed his axe. He had already conjured barriers around the three of them, but the Bull knew how strong they were, how long they would last, how his actions must be affecting him. _Katoh_. He wanted to say it. _Katoh_. He wanted to scream it. _Katoh_. He wanted to make it stop.

He would become utterly useless, if he said it and the Bull didn’t stop.

_Most Tal-Vashoth are nothing more than savages. Killing's all they know._

He’d always been so afraid of it, of being turned into a mindless, ravaging killing machine, turning on those he cared about without thought or care. Dorian had to believe that had been true as well. The Bull’s eye was flat and dead, and he seemed almost empty as he charged for Lavellan.

What if this wasn’t him? What if this was the product of reeducation, of qamek and conditioning and memory manipulation? He should have pressed harder. He should have dragged the details of what he did while he was on Par Vollen out of the great stubborn brute and he should have never let him return to that place at all.

_Everyone, if I get possessed, feint on my blind side, then go low. Cullen says I leave myself open._

There were other enemies surrounding him that he could engage. Other Qunari to fight. It didn’t have to fall to Dorian.

It had absolutely had to be Dorian.

_When we fight, you make them not people._

This wasn’t the Bull: the Bull had died on the Storm Coast with his Chargers. This wasn’t his amatus: likely, that had never been anything more than particularly alluring mirage. This was Hissrad, a Qunari, an enemy currently trying to kill Lavellan, Cole, and himself.

He Fade-Stepped into the Bull’s blind spot, and conjured a fireball directly in front of his face. Hissrad stumbled back, and turned to face him. He eye was flat no longer: he was surprised. He hadn’t expect Dorian to engage him. He didn’t expect the fire mine two steps behind him to be already primed. He flew through the air.

Dorian Hastened. It took a lot to bring the- to bring a Qunari down, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make it quick. Some ice, expanding the cuts Lavellan had already made, turning his skin brittle, and then every kind of fire spell he knew short of a wall. He was dust on the wind before he even hit the ground.

The fight wasn’t over. He fought but he didn’t remember it.

“The Iron Bull must have been so proud of himself,” Dorian remarked when they'd finished. There wasn’t a scorch mark where Hissrad had been, just the Maker-damned dust that was making his eyes water. “ _Kadan_ …”

He laughed bitterly.

“I didn’t feel it,” Cole said, bewildered. “There was no pain.”

Dorian was certainly hurt enough for the pair of them. He hurt enough for four people, at least. “ _Vishante kaffas_.”

“How could someone just fight alongside us for years and just-” Lavellan stopped at the look on his face.

For one terrifying moment, he was sure that she would stop right there and try and hug him.

“Come on, let’s move,” she said instead.

Dorian nodded gratefully, glad to be back on familiar ground. He’d survived a similar betrayal by running before, after all.


	2. Amatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to phrase this bit correctly for _months_.

Spending time on Par Vollen had been good for him. The tamassrans had gotten his head screwed back on straight, and he had no more doubts: no more questions about his place, no more misplaced desires to remember a pun he’d thought of to tell to Krem later, no strange urges to cry about the fact that he couldn’t. He was the Keeper of Illusions. The illusion the Qun needed was that the Inquisition were valued allies, and he would keep it.

When he got his orders at the Winter Palace and all of that changed, it was kind of a relief.

It was a suicide mission, of course: there was no way he was going to survive a round with the Inquisitor. But the Ben-Hassrath knew that when they sent those orders. He was okay with dying on that hill: his sacrifice would mean something.

He didn’t doubt it for a second.

He didn’t regret it either. What was the alternative, that he follow Dorian back to Tevinter, stay by his side, and one day get the order to stick the knife in there? He wasn’t sure that he could do that, and then what would he be?

The Ben Hassrath had to know that too. That was probably part of the reason why they were ordering his betrayal now. He could go after the Inquisitor, knowing that he didn’t stand a chance. He could fulfill his purpose, maybe delay her a bit, and die knowing that he’d served as well as he was able, right until the end. _Asit tal-eb._

And Dorian? Well. Dorian was a lot tougher than he looked. This would hurt him, but it wouldn’t destroy him. Fuck, maybe it might even help him in the long run. He wouldn’t be trusting anyone for a very long time after this. He was bound and determined to return to the viper’s nest he called home: a little distrust might save his life one day.

“Nothing personal, _bas_ ,” Hissrad said, and raised his axe.

**Author's Note:**

> And now, I'll be editing my minibang, and also crying happy tears because my Bull is Tal-Vashoth, and therefore my OTP leveled up in a huge and wonderful way instead of imploding. 
> 
> Seriously, though. This is legit the most excited I have been about canon ships since Asami and Korra went to backpack through the spirit world. Or the radio boyfriends got married seven times. Or Nasir and Argon walked into the sunset to start a goat farm after surviving the War of Spartacus.


End file.
